I Am The Mean One

Deb has a friend who handled herself with dignity and grace when confronting an idiot in a store earlier this year. That would be a different friend, not me. Mind you, I can be a really nice person. I like kittens and puppies, and babies. As long as no one messes with any of my pets or babies, I am the girl next door. Start up with my kids, or with the children of friends, and it's sort of like the story of the lady or the tiger. Only, in my version, there's only one choice behind those doors, and it's not the lady.

This past weekend, #1 went on his first FTX - field training exercise - with the other ROTC kids. I dropped him off on Friday afternoon. Sunday, I went to Ann Arbor to pick him up. However, he'd gotten on the wrong helicopter and so was a couple of hours late. Not a problem, I found a nice Barnes and Noble. I bought a book, found a place to get a good latte, and went to read in my car, since I was afraid the cell phone wouldn't have service inside the coffee shop.

The bookstore is located in a very crowded plaza, and parking spaces are in short supply. So, when I got back in my car and settled in to read, a man parked behind me in the aisle, got out and came up and knocked on the window of my car. I rolled down the window to ask him what he wanted.

He wanted to know if I was going to leave, and I told him that I wasn't. This didn't seem to register, because he asked again if I was leaving. I told him that in fact, I was not, so he needed to go away from my car and find himself a parking space.

This obviously wasn't what he wanted to hear, so he began yelling. He informed me that he wanted that space, and asked me why I wasn't going to leave. I told him that I was staying and that he needed to get away from my car.

"I will not go away! You haven't told me why you aren't going to leave! I want to know right now!"

Hmmm. Where I come from, that would be considered bad manners to shout at a lady like that. Anyway. I told him that #1 was on an FTX and that I was waiting to hear from him so that I could pick up my son on the U of M campus. He wanted to know what FTX was, so I explained that it stood for field training exercise, and that my son was with ROTC.

Still, he didn't leave. "What is he doing again?" he yelled.

I said,"He's on an FTX. The ROTC kids have gone to a training center in northern Michigan to practice in wooded terrain."

This is where it gets ugly.

"Oh," said the guy,"so, they have to be trained to kill babies?"

I was quiet for a minute. I quickly put down my latte, since it was still hot enough to scald, and I am embarrassed to admit that my first thought was to toss it in his face. So, I disarmed myself.

"You know," I said,"I can see this going one of three ways. I could simply ignore you, but I have an almost congenital inability to ignore assholes. I could just put my van in reverse and hit your car which you parked behind me. However, my third choice is to get out and come after you. Now, I walk with a cane so I know you can outrun me . But if I catch you, I know I can take you." And I calmly got out of my car and grabbed my cane from my back seat.

The guy started screaming,"You are crazy! You f***ng b*tch, get back in your car! You're nuts! Get away from me! You are f**ing insane!", and I just kept hobbling toward him. I didn't yell, I didn't wave my arms, and I never blinked. Finally, he ran away and jumped in his car, floored it, and nearly hit another car trying to get away from me.

At this point, another man came running across the parking lot and asked what had happened. I told him about the 'killing babies' remark, and this man said,"Why, that SOB!" and took off after him in his car. I most sincerely hope that this did not end well for the first guy.

When I finally picked up #1, I told him that I wasn't going to be on a poster for armed forces recruiting any time soon. I told him my story, and he just grinned. He knows that most of the time, the lady is behind the door. And he tries very hard to avoid the tiger.

Posted by at 07:15 PM | Comments (14)