My son wants to join the Marines - what do I do?

When your child comes home and tells you that they are considering the USMC as a career choice, what is the correct response? My initial reaction was a deer-in-the-headlights look, followed by "Why don't we go out for lunch and talk about this?" This was just after 9/11/01 and I knew that our troops would be called upon to serve. Of course I was worried about his safety. I asked him to consider going to college and then, if he still wanted to join, to go in as an officer. But he and I had sat glued to the TV screen a few weeks earlier as our country was attacked. His response was that he could be sitting, working in an office building, and be just as dead. If he was going to die, he wanted to die serving his country and not himself.

His reasons were well thought out and logical from his perspective. He had always wanted to serve his country. He had talked with all branches of the service and was impressed with the bearing and character of the USMC recruiters. The Army promised him college. The Navy talked about the places he'd go. The Air Force didn't keep a scheduled appointment. The Marine recruiter challenged him, "What can you do for the USMC?". They told him that it would be difficult. They didn't sugar-coat anything. And they also told him that when he earned the title of United States Marine, that he would be part of an elite fighting force, a band of brothers that is going on 229 years. This is truly a force where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

My experience wasn't unique - parents go through this experience every day. Here's an e-mail that I just received from a worried mom.

I am writing due to the fact that my son is 18 and will be a senior in high school nexy year.He is saying that he wants to join the Marines in fact we went to talk to the recruting officer last night and recieved a lot of information. Of course its not what I want for my son but as I told him I will stand by his decision . The thing is he wants to go ahead and sign this summer and I dont know what to tell him. If I agree then if something happenes to him I wil never forgive myself. I have told (him) to pray and ask God to help him make the right decision. Yes he is the baby and that makes it worse. Please help me with some words of encouragment.

I tried responding in e-mail but it bounced back, so I'm posting my response here hoping that this mom will return and see it.

First, let me congratulate you for raising a strong and courageous young man who is willing to look beyond his own self-interests and give back to his country. Next, I understand completely how you feel. I can remember sitting with my own son, feeling panicked as he explained that he had looked at all branches of the service and chosen to be one of the few and the proud. He was determined to serve. If that had to be, I wanted him to join the Navy (better food) or Air Force (better living conditions), or (my choice) go to college and then go in as an officer. That wasn't his idea and he spent his senior year of high school in the Delayed Entry Program (DEP). The local recruiters worked with him for that year to give him an accurate and realistic picture of what being a U.S. Marine entailed. They ran physical conditioning sessions each Wednesday night. They reviewed his report cards. They connected with him in a different way than I, as his mom, was able to do. They helped him to reach an informed decision and he was well prepared for the rigors of boot camp.

Shane shipped to MCRD-San Diego in September 2002. He was a good kid when he went in. His boot camp experience was tough but fair. I have some wonderful letters from him, written under covers in the wee hours of the morning, that express his commitment to his career choice. His drill instructors brought out the best that he had to offer and I can remember watching as my son was awarded his Eagle, Globe, and Anchor and watching the pride and confidence on his face. After 20 months, I can tell you that he made an excellent choice and I am so proud of what he has accomplished.

If your son enters the DEP, you'll be a partner with his recruiter - but the recruiter will work with your Marine and not necessarily with you unless you make it clear that you are in this too. For that reason, I encourage you to build a relationship with him or her. I popped in with cookies and questions (my son says my questions have made me legendary in the local office) since they will be able to get information about your recruit if necessary. For example, when my son shipped to boot camp, I hadn't heard from him two weeks later. I asked our recruiter about it, he checked and found that Shane had been reassigned to a different platoon. With that address, I was able to send mail to him.

Now, I am my sons's biggest cheerleader. I continue to remain in close contact with our local recruiters and am available for parents of DEP and new recruits. I encourage you to join Marine Moms Online - a great discussion board where there are many other Marine parents. It has been very helpful for me. Also, if there is a local support organization, get involved! I have contacts for groups all over the U.S. and will be happy to share with you. E-mail is fine but there is no substitute for a real hug from someone who knows exactly what you're going through. We're just getting the www.marinecorpsmoms.com site launched - couldn't wait to get the first page going, but eventually we'll have comprehensive content from a parental perspective on what to expect at all stages of your Marine's career.

Your final comment, "If I agree then if something happenes to him I wil never forgive myself." is exactly how I felt too. I can tell you that if your son earns the title of U.S. Marine that he will receive excellent training. He will be given the opportunity to excel. And he will become part of a band of brothers that is legendary. Once a Marine, always a Marine - it's not just a slogan. It's a way of life. Honor, courage and commitment - those Corps values are instilled every day. There are many career decisions that your son could make. This is one of them. Yes, there is a certain amount of danger. But I can tell you from personal experience that when I run into a mom of one of my son's high school friends and they tell me what their child is doing now (taking college classes, working at a gas station, promoted to assistant manager of a fast food restaurant, etc.) that it gives me a thrill to be able to tell them that my son is an expeditionary warrior, helping to free the people of Iraq from generations of bondage. Listening to him tell stories of his experience in Iraq last year and knowing that he is training hard to return later this year is very rewarding. Knowing that my son is self-confident, assured, and confident that he is doing the right thing has always been my goal and I'm very proud of him.

Will it be an easy life for your son? For the most part, no - the Marines train hard and work harder. If he want easy, he should go to college or find another line of work. But he has an opportunity to make a significant difference and I applaud him for that. Again, he would not be considering this decision if you had not raised him with the values that make joining the USMC a preferable choice.

Does this help? If you have specific questions, let me know. I'll do my best to get information for you.

Posted by Deb at 12:12 PM | Comments (6)

May 06, 2004

Update from 3/7 Marines Commanding Officer Lt. Col. Lopez

Greetings from Al Qaim,

The Marines, Sailors and Soldiers of Task Force (TF) 3/7 are hard at work establishing security and bringing a better life to the people of Al Qaim. You can be very proud of our performance. We are actively engaged in establishing local governance, local Iraqi police forces, and improving schools.

Lima Company, supported by Marines from Weapons Company and detachments from throughout the TF, are responsible for overseeing the border check- point crossing with Syria and for the town of Husayba. They have built a forward operating base and will soon have many of the creature comforts, to include an Internet caf鬠that will allow them to keep in better contact with loved ones.

Kilo Company and attachments are running the towns of Karabala (not to be confused with our last deployment to Karbala) and Sada. They have responsibility for a large portion of the main road that runs through our sector. Kilo is also working with supporting operations in Husayba. India Company is providing security for the camp at Al Qaim, which is an old railway station and repair depot. India Company, along with our Military Police Platoon, has started the first and second class of the newly formed training academy for the Iraqi police force. They also have responsibility for managing and training the Iraqi Civil Defense Corps (ICDC).

Weapons Company has responsibility for the town of Ubady and providing security throughout the TF?s area. They have already executed school projects and a clean-up project in their area. Portions of Weapons Company are directly supporting the other companies in the TF. As always the Marines and Sailors of H&S Company are hard at work supporting the efforts of the entire TF. They are meeting the challenge of running a small village of our own here at the Forward Operating Base Al Qaim. Keep us in your prayers! We appreciate all the support we are getting from the home front. Lt Huerta and the Remain Behind Party are there to serve your needs.

God, Family, Country And Corps,
Lt Col M.A. Lopez

Posted by Deb at 10:44 PM | Comments (6)

Puppy Love

Meet Melissa.

Photo by: Staff Sgt. Houston F. White Jr.

She is the newest and, at 11 weeks, youngest member of the Marine Aircraft Wing currently serving in Al Taqqadum, Iraq. And, she's a gift from the Commanding General.

"I believe all Marines, in their hearts, are dog lovers," said Maj. Gen. James F. Amos, commanding general, 3rd Marine Aircraft Wing, "so it's easy to have compassion for a dog who is out in the middle of a war zone. I felt that maybe a dog would pick their spirits up and be something the squadron could identify with and get a touch of home.",

Melissa was airlifted with other supplies and presented to Lt. Col. David R. Leppelmeier, commanding officer of the Marine Wing Support Squadron 374, Marine Wing Support Group 37.

"I know that having her around has changed the atmosphere around the unit, because everybody knows that she lives here in the compound and everybody pets her. She might get in their way sometimes or gnaw at their feet, but no matter what, Melissa is the one little distraction that reminds them of their pet at home," said Leppelmeier.

"Melissa is great. She knows how to play me like a fiddle," he chuckled. "She's really changed my whole world and helped me out a lot. She's just like a daughter to me and I can't imagine waking up and not having her around."

Melissa's mother, Luci, is now assigned to the Marines in Al Asad.

"Luci was working with Army Special Forces on the streets of Baghdad and over a period of time, she kept following them around whenever they went on patrols," the general said. "Luci was credited with saving their lives a couple of times because of her ability to sniff out an ambush and bark to alert them."

And, she looks good in camo:

Photo by: Sgt. David M. Walsh

Other Marine units have adopted dogs - or the dogs have adopted them. Last year, my son spent several months in Al Hillah. He and a few buddies were joined by Cody, a faithful friend and companion who patiently waited for them and accompanied them to and from post. They fed him from their MREs and, much to his disgust, gave him a bath. I added dog biscuits and flea treatment to my twice-weekly care packages. Here's a picture of my son with Cody. The ruins of Babylon are in the background - he walked through them every morning to get to his guard post.

Cody was a morale-boosting addition to Shane's platoon - many of them left pets behind when they deployed and they enjoyed the undemanding companionship that Cody provided.

Posted by Deb at 08:37 AM | Comments (1)

Redefining "Hero"

In recent days, the nation has said goodbye to Army Ranger Patrick Tillman. Tillman's death in combat operations in Afghanistan caught national attention, because, at one point, Pat Tillman was a promising young NFL player, and the Arizona Cardinals thought highly enough of him to dangle a 3.5 million dollar contract as bait.

He turned it down to enlist in the U.S. Army.

Because he died in service to his nation, there's been a lot of attention paid to that decision. The national media has been all over the story. His death has been called a "tragedy", and Tillman has been hailed as a "hero". I've heard some interesting comments from military family members about this. Some question the attention that Tillman got, as opposed to the many others who've died on the battlefield, whom the national media has given one line in a list of casualties.

I don't begrudge the Tillman family one word of condolence from their fellow citizens, or one accolade that Pat Tillman's life has received.

Pat Tillman was, no doubt about it, "special". His death was a "tragedy". He lived his life as a bona fide "hero". None of that has to do with football. It wasn't his talent on the football field that made him special. It wasn't his ability to earn fame and fortune with that talent. Something else made Pat Tillman special.

When you compare Pat Tillman to others in professional sports, you can't help but notice the opulent, pampered lives of professional athletes. Unless you're living without the benefit of national media, you can't help but notice how many of them need criminal defense attorneys, either. However much attention they get, many of those talented athletes don't have the moral fiber or courage to earn the title of "hero". In that crowd, Pat Tillman is unique. When you compare him to the average, upwardly mobile, twenty something male in this country, he's a standout in that crowd, too.

Those people weren't his peers. Pat Tillman was a man who turned his back on the world's definition of success to face a greater challenge. He joined the Army. Not only did he join the Army, but he became one of the "elite" Rangers. Tillman made an honorable choice to serve his country. He followed through on that decision and he excelled.

To find his peers, you have to find other heroes. You have to seek out people who've made that same choice to serve in the defense of freedom on behalf of this nation. You have to find people who've passed on other opportunities, other paths for their futures, to pursue the same one that Pat Tillman chose. That group includes young men and women from small towns and big cities all over this nation.

When you ask military members about the death of Pat Tillman, they don't call him "special". They award him an accolade that the media cannot begin to understand. He's one of their own, and they call him "brother."

For a long time, the national media has talked about professional athletes as "heroes". I think that's changing. Our heroes can be honored for their skills, their talents, their sacrifices and their courage. They can be honored for protecting our lives, and our freedoms. There are hundreds of thousands of men and women who wear the uniforms of the U.S. Armed Forces. They're all heroes, and Pat Tillman was one of them.

Posted by at 08:27 AM | Comments (49) | TrackBack

May 03, 2004

Good Clean Fun

One thing a Marine learns quickly is to post guard over laundry when using base facilities. It's a group effort - they bring magazines, junk food, GameBoys, and take turns watching over the occupied machines. Even so, there is time for a bit of fun.

Yes, this is my son. And when I asked "What were you thinking??", he grinned and told me that it was an easier ride than in the back of a Humvee. Although, being a Marine base, there is no "delicate" cycle on this piece of equipment.

Posted by Deb at 08:33 AM | Comments (1)

May 02, 2004

An Answer for Andy Rooney

Last month, Andy Rooney published a rant that characterized our troops as men and women who enlisted only because they couldn't find other jobs.

Our soldiers in Iraq are people, young men and women, and they behave like people — sometimes good and sometimes bad, sometimes brave, sometimes fearful. It's disingenuous of the rest of us to encourage them to fight this war by idolizing them. We pin medals on their chests to keep them going. We speak of them as if they volunteered to risk their lives to save ours but there isn't much voluntary about what most of them have done. A relatively small number are professional soldiers. During the last few years, when millions of jobs disappeared, many young people, desperate for some income, enlisted in the Army.

Rooney then went on to pose a number of questions for our troops. Sgt. Hook thoughtfully collected responses from currently deployed soldiers. Here's an answer to Rooney's 4th question:

4. If you could have a medal or a trip home, which would you take?

I am not here to earn a medal Mr. Rooney. I am here to serve my country and defend our way of life. I am here to make sure there is a home for me to take a trip to.

A medal. (was the answer for 6 of the 15)

Oliver North, retired Marine also responded.

Not heroes, Andy? Meet Lance Corporal Conyers, a member of Fox Company, 2nd Battalion, 4th Marines. On April 6, Conyers was on patrol with his squad when they became engaged in a firefight. "I was out in front at an unlucky moment and took a round to the chest," Conyers told me, "then one ricocheted off the light pole next to me and hit me in the leg." The corpsman rushed to Conyers side and treated him, and Conyers stayed in the fight.

In his column, Rooney insists that our troops "want to come home," and says if he had the chance to interrogate our guys in uniform to prove his point, he would ask them, "If you could have a medal or a trip home, which would you take?"

What do you think Conyers chose, Andy? The bullet Conyers took in the chest was fired from an AK-47. It was inches from his heart and could have killed him. But because of the plate of armor he was wearing -- armor that critics told us would not work -- Conyers is alive. The wound Conyers received to his leg, a "through and through" wound, was his ticket home. But did Conyers take it? Of course not. Of the wound, he told me, "That won't keep me down," and said he owes it to his squad to "continue on and fight."

Lance Corporal Conyers is just one of hundreds of Marines and soldiers who, while fighting to defend the American public and liberate the Iraqi people, have been shot, hit, wounded and treated, only to stay on the battlefield and with their units instead of going home. These are remarkable young Americans.

Remarkable indeed. Pat Tillman gave his life while saving the lives of his squadmates. He fought valiantly and died a hero. And there are so many fallen heroes with similar stories.

North concluded:

May 1 marks the start of Military Appreciation Month. Millions of Americans will show their gratitude for the troops in a variety of ways. When Lance Corporal Conyers appeared with me the other night on Fox News's "Hannity & Colmes," Sean Hannity showed his appreciation to Conyers by promising to buy him a big, thick, juicy steak from Ruth's Chris steakhouse when he gets home. What are you going to do for them, Andy, other than criticize? One thing you could do to show your appreciation for our troops who are defending your right to speak is to shut the hell up.

Yep. And the question for critics, "What are you going to do for them, . . ., other than criticize?" is a good one. What are you going to do?

Posted by Deb at 01:27 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Winning Hearts and Minds

Last month, the 3/7 Marines engaged in a number of battles and proved that there is No Worse Enemy than a U.S. Marine. Now, they are finally getting a chance to display the No Better Friend part of their philosophy. Here, Sgt. John Alcaraz stops to chat with Iraqi children during a foot patrol. By walking instead of riding, it is easier to interact and build relationships with local Iraqis.

Photo by: Sgt. Jose L. Garcia

Last year when my son was deployed, I filled up his care packages with pencils, Tootsie Roll pops, Matchbox cars, etc. so that he could pass them out to the children he encountered while providing security for the city of An Najaf. This year, I'm already collecting for the packages I'll send when he redeploys.

Posted by Deb at 12:39 PM